Robert Pattinson a.k.a. Edward Cullen

There’s something in the way that RPattz play the role of Edward, he portrayed a very horny vampire in a gentleman way, Idk how he does that, how can a person be so horny and be a gentleman at the same time? (Oh, some guys are =))

I want to read the version of Twilight in Edward’s perspective, I think it will be hilarious. My dormmate told me there is such thing, idk where =))

You’re smitten — now how do you show it without being over the top? There’s always the chocolates and a cute card route, but the more original you are with your amorous expressions, the longer that smile will stay on your honey’s face. “Thoughtfulness goes a long way during that magical courtship time,” says Sara Quessenberry, editor for Real Simple magazine. “Make the extra effort — it’s what memories are all about.” Quessenberry suggests thoughtful gestures, like having your date’s favorite music playing in the car or scoping out the best bench in the park and surprising your date there with a picnic. Read on for four more “just because” surprises that will make you stand out from the dating crowd. 

Sweet Suggestion #1: Arrive in style
Try upgrading your usual mode of transportation for an evening. “One night after work, my partner picked me up in a limo for absolutely no reason except to take me to get a hot fudge sundae,” says Michelle Blakely from Harrisonburg, VA. “It was so romantic and such a surprise that after the ice cream, I instructed the driver to take us back to my apartment… ‘and not the long way home, James!’” If a limo is out of your budget, show up with a car service town car, or even a tandem bicycle.

Sweet Suggestion #2: Create a date-night memento
Offer your date a personalized memento from wherever you’ve been that evening. “Pick up a business card from the establishment and write ‘Being with you is fun’ on the back when your date isn’t looking. Then give it to him or her at the end of the night as a way to remember the place,” suggests Adam Tarver from Boston, MA. “For some weird reason, people almost always look at the backs of business cards, so your date will see your message when it gets flipped over.” You can also slip it into your date’s pocket or bag when he or she’s in the bathroom. When your cutie finds it the next day (or two weeks later), it’ll trigger memories of your fun night together, and the message may just melt a hopeful heart. This works with match books, napkins, coasters… anything on which you can scrawl a little note. 

Sweet Suggestion #3: Send a coded message with flowers
Did you know that flowers have a language of their own? Even simple, inexpensive blooms can say volumes. While it’s easy to figure out that red roses shout “I love you,” you probably weren’t aware that daffodils say, “The sun is always shining when I’m with you,” or that white violets mean “Let’s take a chance.” Search online for “flower meanings” to get a glossary, then create a bouquet for your date that “says” exactly what you’re feeling. Be sure to include the floral translation in the card. 

Sweet Suggestion #4: Call for another date before the night ends
You know that “rule” about waiting a couple of days before calling and asking someone out again? Throwing protocol out the window doesn’t just ease your anxiety — it can be a terrific surprise for your date. “I was once out with this guy who said, ‘So, I’ll call you,’ as we were parting ways. As I was heading to my car, my phone rang. I heard my date’s car beep as he unlocked it and he said, ‘So, is it too soon to call and say I’d like to see you again?’” says Tim Tucker from Las Vegas, NV. “It was terrific — no wondering if he was into me. It made my night!”

Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in magazines ranging from Maxim to Marie Claire to Prevention.

“Stress is ruining our romance!”

The good news is that you and your honey share a lot, including challenging careers. The bad news is that you also share work stress — too much of it, in fact! You’re smart people who want to be successful at the two things that Freud claimed would ensure success: work and love. Yet you’re desperately searching for the way to strike right balance between the two. Lately, work is tipping the scales… and not in a good way. It’s dampening your libido, raining on your parade, and flooding your brain with stress to the point that you can’t think about anything else. 

What a mess! Do you need the world’s biggest umbrella or a month’s romantic vacation in Bali? Why is it so hard to focus on work and have a relationship, too? “Everyone talks about work-life balance,” says Marylander Katie, 32. “But what about work-love life balance? I started seeing Bill five months ago and we’re having a tough time right now. Both of us are always thinking about yesterday’s argument at work or the next big meeting. It’s gotten to the point where it’s all we talk about when we’re together. He vents, then I vent. It’s not healthy.” 

If you’re trapped in an emotional cubicle like Katie, you’re smart enough to know that stress has killed many a romance. So, don’t let it claim yours if you can help it by following these six tips to jointly manage — and perhaps even bond over — your stressful work lives as you re-prioritize your relationship.

1. Explore what’s really causing the stress
Is your issue simply work-related stress? Or is it something else, camouflaged in business casual? Sometimes people get addicted to their careers as a way to avoid looking at the problems in their relationship. Look under the carpet and make sure you’re not missing any other issues that might be disguised as “work stress.” If you’ve simply fallen into the habit of stressing and obsessing over work, then focus on changing your behavior first. 

2. Develop an “us vs. it” mentality
“Nourish the overworked relationship by developing an ‘us versus it’ mentality,” suggests Bryan E. Robinson, psychotherapist and author of Chained to the Desk: A Guidebook for Workaholics, Their Partners and Children, and the Clinicians Who Treat Them. “That way, work stress doesn’t slither its way between two people that have become a couple — which, believe me, it will, if folks are not alert.” In more clinical terms, “it’s easier for couples to deal with high levels of work stress if they acknowledge that this is a ‘couple-external stressor’ and can learn to separate ‘couple-external’ stress from ‘couple-internal’ stress,” says Beate Ditzen, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Zurich in Switzerland who has studied the effects of stress on relationships. “Of course, in times of high demand at work, this is difficult to achieve.” But it’s clear that one can impact the other, and being prepared certainly helps. 

3. Create anti-work-stress plans for two
“If couples can help each other with their stress levels, everything becomes easier, so why not build a date around stress relief?” asks relationship and wellness coach Elizabeth Scott, About.com’s stress management expert. “Have a romantic evening in and create a haven from stress,” says Scott. “Play soothing music, trade massages, and feel the stress melt away. Or, blow off steam while metabolizing those stress hormones. It’s also a great date activity! Go hiking, ride your bikes out in nature, or take exercise classes together — martial arts, yoga, kickboxing or Zumba. These can create endorphin highs to replace your normally stressed thoughts, and are usually relatively cheap date ideas.” 

4. Hug it out
“Hugging it out” is more than just the infamous catch phrase from the HBO series Entourage — it might also be the best way to reduce feelings of strain while resting in the arms of your honey. It’s no surprise that hugs make most of us feel good; now, science has shown that they’re good for stressed-out relationships, too. “Our research suggests that hugs and intimacy between partners seems to buffer the negative effects of work stress on physiology, as measured through the stress hormone cortisol,” says Dr. Ditzen. “This effect was shown in the laboratory as well as in a study by Hoppmann & Klumb in couples’ everyday lives.” 

5. Put all your tech toys back into the toy box at night
Experts also suggest turning off your technology in order to dial down your stressful feelings. “Watch out for how technology is separating us from each other,” says Dr. Robinson. “There was a time when ‘BlackBerries’ were something we consumed, not the other way around. And when you had a ‘Bluetooth’ you went to the dentist, not a conference call. Our wireless devices have blurred our boundaries. Many of us think we have to answer a cell phone or text message immediately when it pops up, no matter if we’re in the middle of an intimate conversation. I advise that all working couples have a verbal agreement that during certain times, thinking and talking about work and using electronic devices are off-limits — at bedtime (no, I’m not kidding), on vacations, and during fun date nights. Work tools need to be put away after hours, just like the saw and hammer after you’ve built those cabinets in the den.” If you must engage in work on occasion during traditionally sacred “together times,” be judicious. Allow a set amount of time to complete the task and then stick to it. Answer calls for emergencies only, make them short, and keep all ringers on “vibrate” mode. Check your emails once a night — not every three minutes. 

6. Develop some individual anti-stress rituals
“Each party in a relationship needs to have at least one activity or practice (a self-care plan) to pursue in order to combat work stress,” says Dr. Robinson. “Good examples include vigorous exercise, mindfulness meditation, a hobby, or other pastime.” Maybe your ritual is as simple as just taking an hour or two to unwind by doing your own thing before you meet up with your partner. Or use your commute home to focus on decompressing and setting realistic boundaries. Play your favorite music, listen to motivational CDs, or talk to friends to help you shift your gears from racing to cruising speed before meeting with your date. After all, date night is meant to be relaxing… don’t you and your date both deserve to enjoy it? 

Dave Singleton, an award-winning writer and columnist for Match.com since 2003, is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Send your dating questions and comments to him at Dave@Davesingleton.com.

Selflessness in romantic love

In an ideal relationship, your partner always magically, borderline psychically knows what you want. If you have to ask, that means you’re needy or your partner is clueless — and that, bottom line, your love is not meant to be. 

Right? 

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

A great relationship can feel like magic, but — as I’ve learned from my own years of marriage — great relationships are not fueled by magic. (Or, for that matter, psychic abilities.) At some point, yes, your partner will develop a kind of sixth sense about how to make you happy, but he or she is going to need some raw data first. And if you are never able to articulate what you want, you are not going to get it, says Mark White, Ph.D., professor of political science, economics and philosophy at the College of Staten Island and the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. Dr. White sees this problem — a common one in relationships, especially as “needy” appears on many singles’ list of top 10 turn-offs — as a misunderstanding of the role and meaning of the word “selflessness” when you’re in love with someone.

Why putting others first isn’t always a good thing
“Selflessness” sounds like a good quality to have… and when it comes to volunteering, feeling empathy, or the ability to feel connected to the world around you, it is good. But in love, White argues, there’s a limit. As he recently wrote in his blog on PsychologyToday.com, White says that so-called “selfless love” — which again, sounds ideal — is really a paradox. Why? 

“When you try too hard to be ‘selfless’ in a relationship, focusing exclusively on meeting the other person’s needs rather than getting your own needs met, you’re not letting the other person do what he or she wants to do,” says White. “You think it’s selfless to not express your needs, but it’s actually selfish, because your partner wants to know.” 

Don’t we all want our needs met? Why would we stay silent? For Karen F., 40, of Washington D.C., it was her reluctance to appear dependent on a man’s attention. “I used to always tell my boyfriends that they didn’t need to call me all the time, since I didn’t want them to feel like I was pressuring them or putting too many demands on their time,” she says. “Then, when I started dating my boyfriend, I said the same thing, and he replied, ‘OK, do you not want me to call you?’ I realized how silly it sounded and figured out that it was all my own issues to work out.” 

Don’t suppress your needs — communicate them
Other people may genuinely feel their needs are not important, or, again, believe that in a “good” relationship, they shouldn’t have to spell things out in the first place. Neither is a good strategy for a healthy relationship. “People aren’t very good at mind reading. They’re just not,” says W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., head of the department of psychology at the University of Georgia. “We know that everything else in life takes work. But for some reason, we have trouble imagining that relationships take work,” and that can lead to damaging resentment. “If you do suppress your needs, you wind up resenting your partner — unfairly, of course — for not realizing and fulfilling them anyway,” says White. (This, in turn, can lead to the “blindside breakup” — where you end the relationship because your partner didn’t provide things he or she never knew were important to you in the first place.) 

Selflessness… or sacrifice?
Experts stress that excessive “selflessness” can also lead to excessive sacrifice. We all give things up, large and small, to be in relationships; first and foremost, the fundamental freedom to date other people. From there, we might give up eating meat (for the love of a vegetarian), our pets (even the best partners have allergies!), or… sunlight. For example, Aliza S., who never thought she’d move anywhere “for a guy,” relocated — albeit reluctantly — to the Middle-of-Nowhere, Alaska (let’s just say winter temperatures can reach 60 below) for her fiancé. “It made sense, deep down,” she says. “His career — he’s a wildlife biologist — offers only certain options. And in the big picture, I wasn’t doing it for him; I was doing it for both of us.” 

OK, so that’s the healthy kind of “give” that one expects to do while in a relationship (even considering that Aliza is from Honolulu, HI). Fluctuations in your level of give and take are also healthy: “Partners understand that on different days and at different times, they each have different needs. In a particular situation, the give/take ratio could be 70/30, but over time, the average should be closer to 50/50, where each partner is feeling heard and having his or her needs met,” says Renée A. Cohen, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles and Hermosa Beach, CA. 

So if you feel that, in your relationship — or relationships in general — your average is closer to the 70/30 mark than 50/50, ask yourself whether you’re drawn to overly demanding partners… and why you’re not sticking up for yourself. There is a healthy, satisfying, unselfish way to give to your partner and get what you need. Perhaps, as Dr. Campbell suggests, it’s best expressed by something he often heard his late colleague Caryl Rusbult, Ph.D. say: “Be loyal, but don’t be a doormat.” 

Practice makes perfect in long-term relationships
Wondering how to find that balance? With practice, of course: “Don’t start out big,” says Dr. White. “Start with a little bit of self-disclosure, and you will soon discover that your partner is comfortable with it and even appreciates it. Then, gradually, you can move on to more serious needs that are even more important to the relationship.” After all, as Dr. Campbell notes, “People need to be needed.” 

Lynn Harris (www.lynnharris.net) is co-creator, with Chris Kalb (www.chriskalb.com), of the award-winning websiteBreakupGirl.net. A longtime journalist, Lynn has written about dating, gender, and culture high and low forGlamour, Marie Claire, The New York Times, Salon.com, Nerve.com, and many others. She is currently the communications strategist for Breakthrough, a transnational organization that creates pop culture to promote human rights. Submit your dating questions for Ask Lynn via bg@breakupgirl.net.

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